


The ashes of who I used to be

by Lilibet



Series: October 2020 prompts [21]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Chronic Pain, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27137644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilibet/pseuds/Lilibet
Summary: A lightsaber to the chest isn’t an injury to be walked off easily.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: October 2020 prompts [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949062
Comments: 14
Kudos: 66





	The ashes of who I used to be

**Author's Note:**

> For the whumptober day 21 prompt "chronic pain".

Even after all these years, Qui-Gon’s injury still pains him. A lightsaber to the chest isn’t an injury to be walked off easily. He’d clung to life by a thread, bolstered only by the sheer volume of force energy Obi-Wan had poured into him, by the time medical attention had arrived.

After that, he spent weeks floating in a bacta tank in that liminal space between awareness and oblivion, Obi-Wan guarding him. A lone sentinel protecting his master.

When he was healed enough, he was removed from the tank and slowly brought to consciousness, reality coming back in starts and flashes. But always, Obi-Wan was there, the flash of auburn beside him a steady constant that anchored him to the present moment.

In those early weeks, Yoda and Mace had visited him and had come face to face with the human wall known as Obi-Wan Kenobi. He’d refused to leave Qui-Gon’s side for a second despite orders from the other Jedi, stubbornly remaining beside his bed, fully in the knowledge they were barred entry to Qui-Gon’s room until he was more fully recovered.

Qui-Gon had sniggered, struggling to keep the grin from his face when Obi-Wan had barked at them, guarding his door and informing them they’d wasted their time and that he’d debrief them fully when Qui-Gon was able to make the journey back to Coruscant. Qui-Gon could almost feel Mace’s pulsing forehead vein through the wall.

Obi-Wan wasn’t the goody-two-shoes Jedi everyone thought he was, and Qui-Gon knew that better than anybody.

Once he’d finally been released by the Naboo healers, he’d returned to Coruscant and had been welcomed back with a packed schedule of physical therapy. He’d grumbled and groaned at it but one sharp look from Obi-Wan had stopped his protests, the slightly desperate edge convincing him as much as the threat of Obi-Wan unleashing his best set of pleading eyes.

The sharp lances of pain that assault his chest had lessened as those early months progressed, but the fatigue has stayed with him far longer. He isn’t the Jedi he used to be, and he never would be again. The day he realised he’d never be able to return to active duty was a dark day he doesn’t like to think about. He never wants to see that expression on Obi-Wan’s face again, the utter helplessness and despair in his eyes as he tried to help Qui-Gon but didn’t know how.

But that is in the past.

Now, years after Naboo, he may not be the Jedi he once was, but he’ll be damned if that stops him from doing what duties he could.

Most days his chest still aches, the phantom sensation of the saber lingering throughout the day, but he’s used to it by now and able to ignore it until it’s nothing but background noise.

But there are some days, days which are spreading further apart as time goes by, when he wakes up with his chest on fire as though the saber is burning through it all over again. On those days, he can do nothing but curl up in bed shaking and sweating with the pain, eyes screwed shut as he rides out the waves. They discovered early on that Obi-Wan’s presence is a far more effective painkiller than any of the drugs the healers can give him.

They’d put it down to Obi-Wan’s actions in saving Qui-Gon’s life that day, creating some sort of link between them, but Qui-Gon knows it’s nothing as poetic as that. It’s simply the comfort of having the love of his life so close to him, of having his presence wrapped around him, and strong arms keeping him safe.

Much like they are now.

Qui-Gon had woken early, chest a blazing inferno. He’d curled into himself on his side, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from waking Obi-Wan, but a small whimper had slipped out and Obi-Wan’s eyes had flickered open. He’d taken one look at Qui-Gon and immediately wrapped him up in his arms, pulling him against his chest and tangling their legs together. Qui-Gon clung to Obi-Wan like a crecheling, pathetic whimpers escaping from between his clenched teeth.

He’d be mortified if anyone else saw him like this.

In the early days, he tried to hide the attacks from Obi-Wan but had always failed. Obi-Wan knew him too well. Either way, it took a fair few months for Qui-Gon to get over his need to be strong and independent and submit himself to the care and comfort he truly needs.

Obi-Wan strokes down his spine with one hand, fingers ghosting over each vertebra, while the other brushes sweat-damp hair out of his face to plant a gentle kiss on his forehead. Qui-Gon feels a tear slip out of his eye and trail down his cheek to land on the arm under his head, and he doesn’t know whether it’s from the pain or the sheer tenderness of Obi-Wan’s affection.

Sometimes he feels like he’ll die from the sheer amount of love he feels for Obi-Wan.

And that feeling only increases as Obi-Wan begins to sing to him. A quiet lullaby that Qui-Gon latches onto and buries himself in, sinking himself into the melodic rhythm of Obi-Wan’s voice, letting the sound wash over him. Obi-Wan sends a soothing wave of force healing through him, dampening the pain if only for a while.

On days like this, he knows that they’ll spend the rest of the day exactly where they are. Obi-Wan will stay with him, ignoring the world outside of their quarters, only leaving to bring supplies to try and coax Qui-Gon to eat and drink.

By the end of the day, when the attack has passed, Qui-Gon will smile tiredly at Obi-Wan, unable to fully express his gratitude but knowing Obi-Wan feels it all the same. And Obi-Wan will smile back at him and place soft kisses on his lips, his eyelids, his jaw. He’ll change the sweaty sheets of the bed and they’ll snuggle back together under the fresh new ones, and Qui-Gon will bury his nose into Obi-Wan’s neck, breathing him in. And his chest will hurt, but this time for a wholly different reason.

Because Obi-Wan loves him, and force, Qui-Gon loves him too.


End file.
